Honest Requests

Behind every judgment there is something beautiful not being expressed

The future I wish for

Think about it, have you ever experienced a moment when you take a step back and you ask yourself why you do the things you do? Have you ever questioned yourself why you told her that she is not trustworthy while what you longed for was honesty and trust? Or why did you tell your boss that he was a jackass the other day while you have a need for cooperation and ease on the workfloor? Surely this way of expressing is not helping you to meet those needs which are so important to you!

Isn't it logical to respond with empathy and compassion to judgments and demands? Imagine conflicts with your colleagues friends, family and partners turn into meaningful dialogues where you get fully heard and understood. How would it look like if you can trust that everybody’s needs are taken care of in a group as efficiently and complete as possible?

In my courses based on Nonviolent Communication I invite you to speak a language with me that focuses on what we all share as human beings.

FEELINGS AND NEEDS

It is common sense that when we judge each other no one gets what he or she wants. Join me in exploring our inner world following the practical steps from NVC which enable us to connect no matter what worldview or opinion we have.

Upcoming courses

How to be you

Who are you really?

Are you your bank account? Your job? Are you a smoker? An enjoyer of life? A spiritual person? I believe who we are changes with the moment and I think the best place to look for you is in this moment through simple exercises that make you feel and experience yourself in connection with others. This way we peel away what you think you are and show you how to really stand for who you are. What would you ask for if you could make ANY request to the group? How would you respond to a group of people silently observing you for 20 minutes? When was the last time you screamed as loud as you could? Who are you really?

What is this good for?

I like to think that when you know yourself, you are less likely to fall into behavioral traps within your relationships. My goal is to help lessen the suffering we create when we don’t pay attention to the uncomfortable things we feel. When we don’t share how something makes us feel out of fear of not being loved, we create space for things we don’t like to grow. I want to meet you with compassion and start dialogues about things that matter.

Why become a part of this?

It is fun, it is cozy, there is dinner and music. You spend an evening with a small committed group of people who are determined to relax at the edge of their comfort zone. We practice what we thought we couldn’t do and challenge the beliefs we have about ourselves. This way we can grow the parts inside of us we like so much in others and stand in our power.

Every second Thursday from the 11th of October from 18:00 until 22:00 in Utrecht

More information

Request help

In any relationship with another person communication is the key to feeling connected and willing to freely give to one another. I want to support you in shifting your perspective from blame, criticism and demand to compassion and empathy. Can you imagine never hearing any judgments and demands ever again and still living in reality?

Click one of the icons below to find out how I can support you

One on One Empathy

If you have thoughts or feelings you don’t understand an empathy session can give you some clarity. In empathy I support your own thought process by reformulating what I hear you say and giving you space to talk until the end of your words.

Moments when Empathy can help are when you:
Feel depressed, angry, shame or guilt
Feel pain, confused or frustrated
Need to make a difficult decision
Have situations where the communication is stuck
Want to "get over it" and mourn

For my time I would like to ask a contribution between €20,- and €40,- depending on free will and income for 45 minutes. We can meet face-to-face, use skype or call directly.

Couple sessions & Mediation

Nobody wakes up in the morning and thinks, I am going to make your life a living hell. In conflict we can say horrible things, things we might not mean or things that come out of a place of pain. When we are in these conflicts it is very hard to hear pain of someone else, especially when conflicts drag on and we start to create enemy images of each other.

“He is such a pig when we eat in public, it drives me crazy!”
“My neighbor is such a S.O.B., his cats took a shit in our garden again!”
“I hate that my friend is always making negative comments about everything!”
“My manager is a racist, he doesn’t accept any people of color!”

Although it can feel very vulnerable to involve another person in these challenging moments, having someone listen and translate these hurtful messages into something the other can hear can be very valuable. I would like to support your communication process and create a safe space where everybody’s needs are heard.

For my time I ask a contribution of €90,- for the first 3 hours which is the minimal amount I need to hear you both. For every hour more I would like to ask an additional €30,-.

Group Consent

Where there are people there is conflict, Nonviolent Communication is a tool which can facilitate group decision making in a civil manner. With NVC you can make sure that everybody’s voice will be taken into consideration and that you will meet as many needs as possible.

Group Consent can be applied to:
Startups and businesses
Groups of friends, family and neighbors
Boards and meeting rooms
Everywhere where everybody needs to be involved in the decision making

As a contribution I would like to ask in between €450,- and €850,- depending on the time spend and on what the group consents to pay.

Materials

Imagine that at any moment you are able to experience that closeness with another person that you usually only experience with close friends, the materials below can support you in formulating your feelings and needs in a supportive way. I added the youtube video that inspired me 6 years ago and I invite you to watch the first 10 minutes to get a good impression of what Nonviolent Communication is about.

Follow me

My name is Nick de Kok and I am fascinated by human interaction, not only the interaction with each other but also the interaction with oneself. Using Nonviolent Communication which I stumbled upon in 2011 I am exploring how we engage with ourselves and our fellow human beings. What attracts me in NVC is its structured and practical way of dealing with the human psyche which for me was often very confusing, especially my own when I was moving through puberty and early adolescence; even now sometimes.

What made me really passionate about NVC is the ease and depth it can bring in my connection with people. I love connecting with people and I feel close when I listen to the feelings and needs in both strangers and loved ones. I have a lot of fun expressing my inner world in words, movement and sounds and NVC has given me great awareness of my choice in every moment to make life better for myself and others in a caring and compassionate way.

If you are curious and want to stay updated about my work or you are curious about who I am I invite you to follow me on Facebook and Instagram.